Maggie

This is perhaps my most selfish blog ever.  I am feeling sorry for myself because something very precious to me has been taken away.  Hopefully writing about it will be therapeutic. Maggie deserves to be remembered

I have written elsewhere how I became a cat person from definitely not being a cat person. Out of the blue (actually I remember it was raining) a stray tiny kitten who couldn't be more than a few weeks old came up to our screen door meowing for attention.  My first reaction was to tell Sharon not to feed it as I was sure it would mooch off us every day if we let it.  She kept coming around and Sharon gave in to the urge and even set up a sort of shelter outside our door.

We had another cat and we both felt guilty that during a work day we left her alone all day.  I talked to Mary Ditta at work and she advised me how we could introduce the new cat to our house.  It didn't work out that way, but I am nonetheless grateful we took her in.  Molly our resident cat became very territorial and although she kept her distance her resentfulness never subsided.  Molly was much bigger, but Maggie (a name suggested by someone where Sharon works) was faster and could jump higher.  Maggie could get up to the heating vents in our basement where she would often hide and then startle someone when she decided to come back down.

Maggie craved affection.  Over the years because of work changes I got out of bed second and was expected to make the bed.  Maggie decided to "help" out.  It became a routine and to be honest something I looked forward to.  It didn't take much to set her off purring.

Maggie, even though she came to us from the outside was a bit of a fraidy cat.  She wanted to go outside, but when we put her on a leash she became frightened and wanted to come back indoors. She was shy when we had visitors, but occasionally made an appearance.

She was a finicky eater.  We searched all over to find something she would eat.  After awhile her tastes would shift and we would start all over again.

It seems like only a few weeks ago Sharon noticed she was not eating as much as usual and wasn't her usual frisky self.  A trip to the vet revealed she had a tumour and we weren't given much hope for a recovery.  We tried to make her last while as comfortable as possible, but she got skinnier and skinnier and more and more listless.  It is a difficult decision and easy to double guess, but we decided she was suffering too much although we were reluctant to give her up for our own greedy reasons.  We took her in last night.  It has been very upsetting to know she will never come up to us again to be stroked.   Blue Cross Animal Hospital was very supportive and respectful of our feelings.

Words can't really do her justice.  Maggie was a gift that brought a great deal of joy to our lives.  I will try to remember the joy as much as the loss.

I am grateful to Renee DiPietro Smyth, a cat lover herself who gave us some advice on how to handle the last few weeks that were very helpful.  I am also grateful to Kate Albanese who let me share some of my grief and told me about her own grief over a family cat.  Most of all I want to thank my wife Sharon who helped persuade me to let Maggie into our lives, who did a lot of the dirty work (I did some) and who I know is sharing my grief.

I didn't always like cats.  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2012/01/how-i-became-cat-lover.html

How I became a Cat Lover

I grew up as a dog person. There always seemed to be a dog in the family. My father used to say to have a dog love you, you had to let it sleep in your bed. Well that certainly happened to me.

Now forty years later I am a cat person and although I still like dogs, I have little desire to own one. A lot of things helped steer me this way, but as usual people are important.

Growing up in Oshawa I remember one of my younger sisters, Susan picked up in succession two stray cats and kept them. I was sure my father (who seemed very intolerant of all sorts of things I wanted to do) would not allow this. Well he did. Perhaps he felt it would be good for Susan and not at all upsetting to him. I learned later that although he always had a dog he had "owned" cats as a young boy.

For a brief time I lived with my sister Pat who had a Himalayan cat from her mother in law. Very cute, but not my cat and I didn't really get attached.

Moving out into the world and not giving pets much thought I eventually owned a house. My sister-in-law Lorri decided a cat would be appropriate for her sister, my wife, Sharon. She even asked me if I was okay with it. I said "no.". She decided it was such a good idea she would go ahead anyway.

At first I was very resistant. Even when I felt myself melting I put up a good front. After awhile I found myself becoming more and more attached and found it hard to resist petting our cat, Sheba. Eventually and I am not sure how many years went by Sheba became ill and a decision was made to put her down.  Neither of us wanted to actually take her to a vet. A friend,  Debbie Bulir agreed to help out and we gave her a key and the freedom to decide when.

I was devastated. At the time I felt very guilty, after all men aren't supposed to get too emotional about a cat. I decided I did not want to go through that experience ever again.

Ironically around this time I made sales calls on pet stores and veterinarian clinics. Constantly talking with people with an attachment to dogs, cats and other pets. I had trouble connecting with their emotions and their daily concerns.

From my visits to vet clinics and developing a newsletter I became aware and then interested in grief counseling for pet owners. I realized I didn't need to feel guilty about my reaction after the death of my first cat.  Cats can give you unconditional love (certainly don't worry about your ups and downs) and are very forgiving.

At about the time my oldest daughter left to go to university in far away Halifax my sister-in-law Lorri decided it would be a good time to give us another cat, from one of her litters. She very considerately asked not only me, but also my son if it was ok. We actually both said "no", but this didn't deter Lorri. I didn't resist very long at all.

A few years later when my son had left for York University, not so far away (but shortly took off to Victoria) a tiny kitten crawled up to our porch in the rain. I told my wife not to feed it, but I started to weaken as the kitten was very persistent. I felt guilty about leaving Molly home by herself while we both worked and no children for company. I talked to Mary Ditta at work who had a reputation for cats. I ended up suggesting the idea of taking in the stray. Our first stray soon named Maggie is now part of the household. Another woman at work, Natalie Warren explained that stray cats are often more affectionate probably because they are more grateful.

It turned out the two cats don't get along. Their contrasting personalities are very interesting. Maggie wants to be friends, but Molly is very territorial and terrorizes her younger house mate whenever they get too close. Fortunately Maggie is much more spry.

I have a lot of women to thank for my love of cats. Some say and I believe it pet owners live longer and are happier than non pet owners. Mind you cats want your attention at the most awkward times. One personality trait is their independence. They want attention a lot of the time, but they walk away when they feel they have had enough.

Photos of my two cats. Molly is the good looking one (in a plump sense) and Maggie is the sleeker and more gentle one. The photo of a reprint of the horse and cat by Cathy Carter symbolizes my animal loves. The original painting was used in a campaign for Orange aPEEL, a company I worked for with a strong sense of mission. When I first saw it, I thought it was ridiculous and said so.  But I actually had people call me and want to know where they could get a reprint. Taking a closer look I decided I liked it and at one time asked for it as a bonus and now hang in on my office wall right in front of my desk.