GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER

Self improvement advice is easy to buy and some of it has set readers on a better path.  "get your SH*T" together" is perhaps written for a younger generation, but might be the nudge that an older reader might need.  The advice is not incompatible with much of what is available,  just the presentation is different.   This might be what you need, or it might just reinforce your other efforts.

What will get your attention on the cover is the use of profanity. There is a lot more swearing  (without astericks) on most pages.  In some ways it is colloquial and used by a wide range of classes and ages.  More educated people expect advice to be more refined, however those who understand the street language might be more responsive.  For the rest of us snobs the important goal might be to get our attention, but really we understand the language.

Profanity has been a part of my life from early days.  I suspect to some degree most people indulge in it, but don't feel comfortable in many situations.  Of course that is changing on all fronts.  I have a a nephew with his own business who talks in a similar manner to the author.  For several years I have worked in an ad agency and have been struck how their creativity is often expressed.  Profanity lends itself to creativity and much of their best ideas don't reach the drawing board.  My attitude in an earlier blog:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2015/10/swearing-over-years.html

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can consider the advice.  Sarah sees that people, her readers, need to identify what they want and then uses three actions to obtain it: strategize, focus and commit, symbolized by key, phone and wallet.  A key is to prioritize and she boils the list of things you want to do down to the list of things you must do involving clarification of what is really important to you.  Then you strategize the best method forward, in small manageable chunks.  Focus refers to the necessity of setting aside enough time to accomplish.  Commitment means the determination to overcome all obstacles.

Her metaphors of key, phone and wallet are easily understood by today's generations, including a good chunk of baby boomers

Often negative thinking can be useful.  Sometimes it is easier to decide what you don't want than on what you do want.  An example might be you don't want to be fat.

She tackles such problems as saving money, managing time, clearing out emails, developing or discarding relationships and deciding on your priorities.

A few of her suggestions struck me as common sense, but ones we might need reminding on.

Ask what you have to do to get what you want.  Avoiding uncomfortable conversations delays resolution.  She gives a personal example of trying to deal with bulimia and finally asking her mom for help.  Maybe not surprisingly, her mother provided sympathy and also the necessary hard support.

Happiness is a goal in and of itself.  Happiness is different for each person  after you do what you must do then work towards what you want--after all that is what motivates you  Don't be self-righteous regarding recovered drug addicts, born agains, health food fanatics who love to tell everyone how much better they are now.  And they are better off.  You can be too and choose what you want in the end.

"Brevity is the soul of wit" borrowed from Shakespeare.

Perfectionism can prevent you from doing something else instead.

One of the superficial differences Sarah has with a favorite mentor of mine, Stephen R. Covey is to do with urgency.  With Sarah, urgent matters are put on her must do list.  Stephen spends a lot of time emphasizing how important it is to do important things so that you can over time minimize urgent but unimportant matters.  Nonetheless both advisors realize really urgent matters must be attended to.  If you don't take care of urgent matters the problems will get worse.  To learn more about Stephen R. Covey check: http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2012/07/stephen-r-covey-pointed-way.html

Acknowledgements are sometimes interesting and give their own insights.  While writing this book she and her husband had temporarily moved from their Caribbean home back to New York to finish up business.  Sarah acknowledges many friends and relatives helped provide accommodation and other support.  I should acknowledge that I became aware of this book by a Facebook posting of my sister Jennifer.  Of course there are lots of people who contribute to any book and she is gracious and humorous in her appreciation.

To get more provocative creative insights you can visit her website:  http://sarahknightbooks.com 

My attitude on profanity over the years

How does one talk about this topic without actually swearing?  Swearing has been an integral part of my life seemingly forever, but part of me wants to protect what little image I have left.  My assumption is that most of my readers have used curse words at one time or another, but a few of you might not want that too widely known.  For me I do not wish to offend anyone, but swearing is a cultural practice whose role has changed over my lifetime.

When I was very young I was unconscious of it, probably because my elders were politically correct enough not to get carried away in front of an infant.  I can only guess when I first heard anyone swear and it was probably a young peer trying to act tough like an adult.  The word "hell" was considered a forbidden word, but it was probably the first swear word I ever heard.  The word has long passed into everyday usage, but it was a bit daring and subject to parental correction in my youth.

That gets to the essence of swearing.  It is theoretically forbidden, but lets people express either anger or sophistication.  It can be provocative, an insult and often humorous.  The elements of culture that serve the purpose of swearing come from sex, excrement, and religion.

Telling on siblings or classmates was a pleasure on its own, but had a double pleasure of getting away with swearing if you could say you were just quoting.

In my early teens I joined Sea Cadets and found myself in a culture that revered swearing.   It came from the top, (officers) bearing in mind that at the time they were all male.  At the bottom (where I was) swearing was a sort of art form where the different cadets tried to out do one another in their inventiveness.

My father was a truck driver, but until I was more in my middle teens I never heard him swear and for the most part I never heard him swear in front of my mother or my sisters although he often used strong words.  It was sort of a rite of passage when he felt free to swear in front of me and my younger brother, Marshall.

Amongst friends it was almost like a contest to see how inventive we could be and how boisterous.  I took some pride in doing well in this regard.  If we felt safe we would yell it and this could sometimes get unwelcome attention.  My father informed me that I once upset my mother when I got together with my friends.

In high school (Oshawa Central for grades 9 to 11) I had a lot of Polish friends who delighted in teaching me Polish swear words.  A few years later I learned some Italian words and was surprised that my grandmother in law would occasionally use a famous Italian gesture.  Sometimes I admit we thought it was cute to swear in their native tongues as a way of insulting some people.

Moving to university expanded my awareness of the role of swearing.  In my residence was a Chinese student who at first was reluctant to swear, but after awhile he really got carried away and seemed to have a greater feeling of acceptance.  Ironically he wouldn't tell us the Chinese equivalent as it was "too terrible," but in English he had no problem.

Also in my residence was a Royal Military College transferee to Guelph to be with his girl friend.  Both seemed very prim and proper.  I only remember one time being in a group with him without his girl friend.  He came close to setting records for swearing making an effort to bond with our group.

A lot of swearing was used in connection with sex.  As young boys become aware of sex they are amused to use swear words and in a very real sense objectifying females.  I had a mother, grandmothers, sisters and classmates and I realized part of my relationships were compartmentalized. When it really dawned on me that I might want to be friends I needed to not only curb my language, but realize there is, for lack of a better word, humanity.  Gradually I realized that many young women (and older) also used swearing partly as a bonding tool, but also I suspect to talk about us males behind our back.  It used to be a mark of gentility not to swear but now it has gone through the era of projecting sophistication to just being normal.

I remember listening to George Carlin in mixed company about the seven forbidden words.  It was not only entertaining, but enlightening.  Swear words have power, but only if you care.

In the last decades I have enjoyed watching foreign movies, but relying on subtitles to follow the plot and characters.  I think at one point the written word having more power (because it is more permanent) some translators were reluctant to use the literal translation.  In Bollywood, English is very common and while there were some English swear words they sometimes seem to have been mellowed in the subtitles.  This is not the case so much anymore and I supposed I could learn to swear in even more languages, but I am content to get the idea.

When I was out of university and looking for a job I visited some friends and ironically they celebrated my appearance by drinking to excess, although I did not indulge.  A parent got upset about my influence and when my closest friend Bob Stone told me my first reaction was to swear.  I have never forgotten his reaction, "with a university education is that the best you can say?"  Swearing does type you and that made me think I would rather be typed in some other category.

Those who seldom swear are taken more seriously when they do.  They must either be very angry or trying to fit in.  I would hope that most of the times under stress I could resist swearing, but admit that I am not always that cool.  If you are frustrated reading about swearing without any actual swearing take a quick trip to any schoolyard at recess and you will get your fill.