Think Like a Monk

My two youngest sisters have been concerned about my well being by recommending self improvement books.  I remember thinking my father didn't benefit from a Dale Carnegie course until I took it and realized it didn't make me perfect, but made me better.  Thanks also to Barb Martin who also suggested I read "Think Like a Monk."

 The author Jay Shetty talks about his life as a monk, but the cover shows a guy with hair.  The explanation is that as a young adult he did live as monk for three years and had his hair shaved off.  He underwent the life style of a monk with meditation, no possessions, early rise, etc.  He learned a lot that served him well when he was advised to re-enter his old world but bringing his new ideas. 

We all want to be better, but we all deal with distraction.  We all have them and they keep us from deciding on priorities and focusing on them or even more basically on who we are.  I can identify with this as I set out to do this blog I found the task too daunting and found lots of excuses to put it off.   I will hi-lite a few points that hit me personally, but readers might respond to others of the many interesting points.

The author quotes Kalidasa, a Sanskrit writer of the 5th century:  "Yesterday is but a dream.  Tomorrow is only a vision.  But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope."  In another passage Shetty suggests you should focus on what you can control, which are the decisions and actions of right now.

Listening to understand what another person is trying to convey is considered a gift by Shetty.  To make the other person feel comfortable you should try to build trust. One way to encourage someone to express themself is a question,  such as "What's on your mind?"

Service is an experience Shetty advocates as giving life meaning and purpose and he gives many examples.  I reflect on my mother who spent much of her time nursing her mother in law and then much time visiting her in two nursing homes.  At one she felt compelled to help out other patients and eventually she was hired, even though she never applied for any job.  After my grandmother died and my parents moved, my mother did apply for a similar position and was accepted.  Money was a factor, but it was something she genuinely felt joy doing and gave her a feeling of purpose.

Meditation is something I have read about and even studied, but found very difficult.  Shetty suggests various ways of tackling it and what to expect.  Breathing is an integral part of a monk's existence, but it is also something we tend to take for granted.  In the chaos we live in it too often seems we react without fully thinking.  A deep breath before saying something can make a big difference.

One concept that I had taken up was that the next day starts the night before.  Thanks for reminding me.  When I adopted the idea it was to make myself more effective/efficient at work--I would lay my clothes out, make my lunch, check my schedule and try to get a good night's sleep to get a good start the next day.  Now I am retired and I have perhaps slacked off a bit, but the next day is still an opportunity to get more out of life.  Try not to stay up too late, focus on a plan for the next day realizing every day is unique and you may have to make adjustments, but without a plan you will just be blown along.

Forgiveness is easy to say, but hard for many of us.  No one is perfect and we all have a past.  We can never really understand what another person has gone through.  If we have learned from our mistakes we should allow others to advance.  Gratitude for where life has placed us and we can be happy. 

Neil deGrasse Tyson "We are all connected to each other biologically.  To the earth chemically.  And to the rest of the universe atomically."

I haven't reached perfection, but would like to think I am better for reading this book.  There are lots of spiritual advisors, lots of self improvement leaders, but few who have taken a monastic life and come back to what might be called normal.  Jay Shetty carried much of the discipline and tools of his former life and is able to explain it to the rest of us with some credibility.  Approach this book with an eagerness to swallow its wisdom and you will find much that can change your life.  You already know some of it, but being reminded helps.  Some perhaps you have not thought of or at least not from a monk's perspective.

For another take on self improvement my youngest sister Jennifer offered:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2018/03/get-your-sht-together.html  A very different perspective, but with its own merits that I like to think pushed me in a better path.

GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER

Self improvement advice is easy to buy and some of it has set readers on a better path.  "get your SH*T" together" is perhaps written for a younger generation, but might be the nudge that an older reader might need.  The advice is not incompatible with much of what is available,  just the presentation is different.   This might be what you need, or it might just reinforce your other efforts.

What will get your attention on the cover is the use of profanity. There is a lot more swearing  (without astericks) on most pages.  In some ways it is colloquial and used by a wide range of classes and ages.  More educated people expect advice to be more refined, however those who understand the street language might be more responsive.  For the rest of us snobs the important goal might be to get our attention, but really we understand the language.

Profanity has been a part of my life from early days.  I suspect to some degree most people indulge in it, but don't feel comfortable in many situations.  Of course that is changing on all fronts.  I have a a nephew with his own business who talks in a similar manner to the author.  For several years I have worked in an ad agency and have been struck how their creativity is often expressed.  Profanity lends itself to creativity and much of their best ideas don't reach the drawing board.  My attitude in an earlier blog:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2015/10/swearing-over-years.html

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can consider the advice.  Sarah sees that people, her readers, need to identify what they want and then uses three actions to obtain it: strategize, focus and commit, symbolized by key, phone and wallet.  A key is to prioritize and she boils the list of things you want to do down to the list of things you must do involving clarification of what is really important to you.  Then you strategize the best method forward, in small manageable chunks.  Focus refers to the necessity of setting aside enough time to accomplish.  Commitment means the determination to overcome all obstacles.

Her metaphors of key, phone and wallet are easily understood by today's generations, including a good chunk of baby boomers

Often negative thinking can be useful.  Sometimes it is easier to decide what you don't want than on what you do want.  An example might be you don't want to be fat.

She tackles such problems as saving money, managing time, clearing out emails, developing or discarding relationships and deciding on your priorities.

A few of her suggestions struck me as common sense, but ones we might need reminding on.

Ask what you have to do to get what you want.  Avoiding uncomfortable conversations delays resolution.  She gives a personal example of trying to deal with bulimia and finally asking her mom for help.  Maybe not surprisingly, her mother provided sympathy and also the necessary hard support.

Happiness is a goal in and of itself.  Happiness is different for each person  after you do what you must do then work towards what you want--after all that is what motivates you  Don't be self-righteous regarding recovered drug addicts, born agains, health food fanatics who love to tell everyone how much better they are now.  And they are better off.  You can be too and choose what you want in the end.

"Brevity is the soul of wit" borrowed from Shakespeare.

Perfectionism can prevent you from doing something else instead.

One of the superficial differences Sarah has with a favorite mentor of mine, Stephen R. Covey is to do with urgency.  With Sarah, urgent matters are put on her must do list.  Stephen spends a lot of time emphasizing how important it is to do important things so that you can over time minimize urgent but unimportant matters.  Nonetheless both advisors realize really urgent matters must be attended to.  If you don't take care of urgent matters the problems will get worse.  To learn more about Stephen R. Covey check: http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2012/07/stephen-r-covey-pointed-way.html

Acknowledgements are sometimes interesting and give their own insights.  While writing this book she and her husband had temporarily moved from their Caribbean home back to New York to finish up business.  Sarah acknowledges many friends and relatives helped provide accommodation and other support.  I should acknowledge that I became aware of this book by a Facebook posting of my sister Jennifer.  Of course there are lots of people who contribute to any book and she is gracious and humorous in her appreciation.

To get more provocative creative insights you can visit her website:  http://sarahknightbooks.com 

The Rural Urban Divide: Do you lock your doors?

The Royal Winter Fair in Toronto used to boast that this is when and where the city meets the country.  It is a good thing such opportunities still exist as many city dwellers have lost their connections to the land where most of our ancestors spent most of their time.  There is a feeling of superiority that each faction has towards the other, but too often misunderstanding hurts both.

Michael Ignatieff pointed out in a previous blog that he ultimately identified the rural urban divide as one of the most critical in Canada.  You can look at both Canada and the United States (really most other countries) and see similar patterns.  With increasing urbanization are we losing anything?  Read about Michael's view and more references to Haliburton:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2014/04/fire-and-ashes-by-michael-ignatieff.html

Most of my life has been lived in cities, mostly mid-sized, but my last two years of high school were spent in Haliburton, Ontario a touristy rural area.   I resented my parents for dragging me away from city life.  My city friends would sometimes complain about boredom, but they didn't realize the options they had that I didn't.  I went to the University of Guelph, primarily because I liked their semester system, but as it also included a major agricultural college I met a lot of "country hicks," only I learned they weren't "hicks."  Finally I got a city job and eventually ended up as a traveling salesman where I enjoyed working in small towns and rural areas. 

Paragraph added Apr 26/16: Some of the differences were one movie theatre with movies that had been shown in bigger cities several years before; a Junior D hockey team that became a Saturday nite habit,  a library that could easily fit inside a mid sized trailer; everybody seemed to know about everybody:

As a bit of a punk when living in Haliburton my brother Marshall and I used to watch the cottagers driving back home and thinking how ignorant they were.  To some degree this juvenile attitude was picked up from our peers.  We didn't appreciate that the cottagers did get a lot of enjoyment from the country and they did contribute significantly to our welfare. We knew we were different and of course there had to be some superiority that came with it.  Perhaps we were defensive.

What are city kids unaware of?  Food originally is not packaged.  Concrete and asphalt don't cover everything.   Of course today more and more kids rural and urban spend their time indoors, though I suspect rural kids still spend a little more outdoors.

A really peculiar phenomenon was friendships.  In the city I mostly had friends my own age and interests.  In Haliburton it was often the case that those my own age with reasonably similar interests might live a long way away.  I had never had to go on a school bus  (except school trips) and fortunately lived just one mile away from high school and walked it.  Most of my classmates came from different directions much further away and our friendships were mostly at school.  I found myself friends with those along my walk to school of different ages and interests as well as a few that walked from the opposite direction.  In cities it seems you can be choosier about who you hang out with, but maybe you don't appreciate that others are actually human too.

Coming from a city it was natural to lock our house and car doors, but learned our new neighbors didn't feel the need.  After awhile it seemed natural to forget about locking.  At the local high school dances you could find young couples "making out" not necessarily in their own cars.  As there are not as many street lights you get used to being outdoors in the dark.  This became unconscious for me, but was brought home by my city bred girl friend, now my wife who was alarmed when I casually walked outdoors at night.

Guns, at least in the country are normal for hunting. Most of my fellow students came from families where hunting was a very big deal.  Lots of businesses would shut down during hunting season.  You could feel excitement.  I was too far citified to understand, but couldn't miss observing (and keeping my mouth shut about it).

My brother Marshall and I noticed a preference for country music which at first struck us as being in a backward foreign country.  After awhile you gradually notice a few country songs that sound ok and then perhaps a few that hit home.  These days country music has infiltrated city areas and vice versa.

I got my driver's license at age 18 in Haliburton where the high school provided driver education.  I got used to driving the curvy hilly roads, but dreaded driving on four lane highways and city streets.  I did get used to city driving and learned that many city drivers were very nervous about driving on rural roads.  Many years later I found myself driving on similar roads that I used to enjoy in Haliburton, but this time in rural Nova Scotia near Windsor,  the home of Thomas Haliburton whose name was borrowed for the Ontario county and town I learned to drive in.

Many parents, likely my own, thought that moving to the country would avoid many of the problems associated with the city.  Drugs perhaps the biggest concern.  I avoided them in the city and was able to avoid them in the country.  Alcohol was very normal in both.  There were fights, but not common.

Today we live in a wired world and no one is far from the advantages offered by cities.  On the teaching staff at the Haliburton Highlands Secondary School were staff that some probably couldn't get a job in a city, but others who were very happy to live in the country.  I didn't quite make the cut for the Oshawa high school basketball team, but was surprised to see the coach switch to one of my Haliburton rivals in Lakefield.

My youngest sister, Jennifer was the only one born in Haliburton and her birth was one of the few times I visited the local hospital.  It filled its basic function, but was not much like what I had visited in Oshawa and more recently in bigger cities.  My father probably died unnecessarily because he wasn't diagnosed quickly enough in a small town hospital (not Haliburton).  Eventually he was taken to Kingston where university affiliated doctors figured out his problem, but too late.  This has squelched a former romantic notion of retiring to the country, but not the idea of it being a great place to breathe and enjoy life.  I am aware that modern technology is closing the gap between large cities and smaller centres where some serious surgical operations have been performed remotely.

The Canadian middle class dream of owning a home has driven many people to buy property miles from their job and commuting.  This often means living in a small town or even rural property.  For some this is an adjustment and many come to appreciate the benefits of living where you are more likely to know your neighbors and get some relief from city pollution.  As urbanization increases  and the population grows, commutes are getting longer in time even more than distance.  It is easy to foresee that in the future only the well off or those that can eke out a living nearby will spend much time in the country.  Others of us are becoming conscious of our short term greed hurting the environment.  In the future I see more  people will be living in high rises and taking public transportation to work.

City life suits me.  I am able to walk downtown, to the library, to a very pleasant lakefront park and have many entertainment choices.  Within a short drive I have many shopping options.  I still miss the country.  I am no longer able to justify making sales calls in the country, though I do talk to lots of country dwellers on the phone and I will be at the Royal again this year to soak in some of the country atmosphere.

In one of my high school classes a teacher asked us how many expected to live in Haliburton after graduation.  Only two held up their hands and both had fathers who owned local businesses.  My father did own a trucking business, but I wanted nothing to do with it.  For most of us the jobs are in the cities and so are a lot of other attractions.

Politically rural areas tend to be more conservative than cities and the deciding issues could be different.  Each group feels their priorities prove their superiority.  It would be helpful if they understood one another better.

There still is a big difference between country and city living, but each have their advantages.  As time goes by the two nations are merging and both becoming more diversified.  I would close by saying we are losing something as we seem to be losing a little more of the country each day. 

An earlier blog in a strange way illuminates some crucial differences between urban and rural thinking when it comes to animals.  Rural people have a closer connection to animals that produce food and are used for work.  City people tend to get more attached to their pets.  I learned about this when selling tooth brushes for dogs.  The blog post has deeper implications for the rural urban divide.  Read more here:    http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2011/06/rural-and-urban-contrasts-towards-pets.html

For an updated view check http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2020/10/what-about-those-hicks.html