Using your subconscious is a key to a better life.

First off, I cannot quite buy everything suggested by author Dr. Joseph Murphy, but he offers a powerful reminder with some excellent advice.  He has a Christian background, but is well aware that other faiths and not just our standard other faiths work because people have faith in some overwhelming belief.

Call me an agnostic (he allows for that as well).  I believe there is some power bigger than me or all of humanity that we can never understand.  He often uses the term "Infinite Intelligence" which to me is close enough to "Mother Nature" for me to accept (and even prefer).

He points out that there are many kinds of healers, some tied to a story book of some sort and others to something akin to witchcraft.  They often get results not because they have the true faith, a secret ingredient or procedure, but because in their subconscious they and their patients had faith.  

It is easy to realize that all humans have two minds or as he says elsewhere, one mind with two spheres.  One is the consciousness that we use to calculate what to do and think.  Our subconscious is more encompassing in that it regulates our bodies (such as heart beat, digestion system, etc.) without normally conscious awareness and it also sorts out much of your concerns when we are not paying attention.  It follows our conscious direction, so we should be careful not let negative thinking overwhelm us.

Here are some other points I feel are helpful to a happy life: 

Give thanks before going to sleep will help set a good mood.  Sleeping allows the subconscious to be active.

Robert Louis Stevenson consciously tried to activate his subconscious to find creative stories.  Mark Twain, another author felt his success was due to his ability to tap his subconscious. 

Fear is a person's greatest enemy.  Fear of failure creates a block that can lead to failure.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Do the thing you are afraid to do and the death of fear is certain."

Forgiveness liberates you.  Murphy thinks it is just as important to forgive yourself.  Most of us carry guilt for something we did in the past and for some that is a heavy burden.  We need to move on with a clear conscience.

Retiring is a big change.  Work for most of us gives a feeling of purpose, if only to support our families.  As I approached retirement I looked for some things to do.  My readers can assume I found blog writing, along with the research required to be a part of my plans.  You would be right, but that really is only part of the day.  I have found two volunteer situations that I look forward to.  I agree with the author that there is more to life than just surviving.  Life is meant to be enjoyed. 

Happiness is a habit.  All habits are maintained by your subconscious.  Negative thinking can also be a habit that you need to consciously fight.

Whatever thing annoys or disturbs you does so by your choice.  Throwing things against the wall or ranting are not as effective as ignoring affronts to your dignity or views.  If you puncture someone else's ego you cannot gain their goodwill.  This is too often is a response to criticism, but is counter productive.

You got this far because you think your life could be better in some way and you are right.  There are many thoughts on the challenge and below is my link to many other approaches.  They are mostly not in conflict and you would do well to consider them.  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2019/12/an-antidote-to-chaos-series-of-rules.html

As far back as 2013 I was conscious that the subconscious played a role in our decisions (not always good) as depicted in the following post:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2013/10/the-art-of-choosing-as-seen-by-sheena.html

Think Like a Monk

My two youngest sisters have been concerned about my well being by recommending self improvement books.  I remember thinking my father didn't benefit from a Dale Carnegie course until I took it and realized it didn't make me perfect, but made me better.  Thanks also to Barb Martin who also suggested I read "Think Like a Monk."

 The author Jay Shetty talks about his life as a monk, but the cover shows a guy with hair.  The explanation is that as a young adult he did live as monk for three years and had his hair shaved off.  He underwent the life style of a monk with meditation, no possessions, early rise, etc.  He learned a lot that served him well when he was advised to re-enter his old world but bringing his new ideas. 

We all want to be better, but we all deal with distraction.  We all have them and they keep us from deciding on priorities and focusing on them or even more basically on who we are.  I can identify with this as I set out to do this blog I found the task too daunting and found lots of excuses to put it off.   I will hi-lite a few points that hit me personally, but readers might respond to others of the many interesting points.

The author quotes Kalidasa, a Sanskrit writer of the 5th century:  "Yesterday is but a dream.  Tomorrow is only a vision.  But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope."  In another passage Shetty suggests you should focus on what you can control, which are the decisions and actions of right now.

Listening to understand what another person is trying to convey is considered a gift by Shetty.  To make the other person feel comfortable you should try to build trust. One way to encourage someone to express themself is a question,  such as "What's on your mind?"

Service is an experience Shetty advocates as giving life meaning and purpose and he gives many examples.  I reflect on my mother who spent much of her time nursing her mother in law and then much time visiting her in two nursing homes.  At one she felt compelled to help out other patients and eventually she was hired, even though she never applied for any job.  After my grandmother died and my parents moved, my mother did apply for a similar position and was accepted.  Money was a factor, but it was something she genuinely felt joy doing and gave her a feeling of purpose.

Meditation is something I have read about and even studied, but found very difficult.  Shetty suggests various ways of tackling it and what to expect.  Breathing is an integral part of a monk's existence, but it is also something we tend to take for granted.  In the chaos we live in it too often seems we react without fully thinking.  A deep breath before saying something can make a big difference.

One concept that I had taken up was that the next day starts the night before.  Thanks for reminding me.  When I adopted the idea it was to make myself more effective/efficient at work--I would lay my clothes out, make my lunch, check my schedule and try to get a good night's sleep to get a good start the next day.  Now I am retired and I have perhaps slacked off a bit, but the next day is still an opportunity to get more out of life.  Try not to stay up too late, focus on a plan for the next day realizing every day is unique and you may have to make adjustments, but without a plan you will just be blown along.

Forgiveness is easy to say, but hard for many of us.  No one is perfect and we all have a past.  We can never really understand what another person has gone through.  If we have learned from our mistakes we should allow others to advance.  Gratitude for where life has placed us and we can be happy. 

Neil deGrasse Tyson "We are all connected to each other biologically.  To the earth chemically.  And to the rest of the universe atomically."

I haven't reached perfection, but would like to think I am better for reading this book.  There are lots of spiritual advisors, lots of self improvement leaders, but few who have taken a monastic life and come back to what might be called normal.  Jay Shetty carried much of the discipline and tools of his former life and is able to explain it to the rest of us with some credibility.  Approach this book with an eagerness to swallow its wisdom and you will find much that can change your life.  You already know some of it, but being reminded helps.  Some perhaps you have not thought of or at least not from a monk's perspective.

For another take on self improvement my youngest sister Jennifer offered:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2018/03/get-your-sht-together.html  A very different perspective, but with its own merits that I like to think pushed me in a better path.

Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan (The Heaven None missed)

A part of the world lives very different from what most of us (us Westerners, that is) and if we want to understand them we need to be aware of some cultural differences.  These two films are from Indonesia.  There is a moral dilemma depicted that would not be encountered in our culture, but is of interest.   ACT QUICKLY! Netflix has a deadline of January 27th.    They likely will be picked by another streamer--possibly Disney.  

Pras, a young boy witnesses his mother's suicide, years later he meets Rini.   Both are religious and in love.  They marry, have a girl while he has a responsible, but challenging job as an architect.  Driving he encounters an accident.  A woman is near death and he decides to drive her to the hospital and sticks around to see how she is doing.  She gives birth and shortly we learn she is suicidal (abandoned by a lover).  She jumps off a roof, but he is there to catch her.  She pleads to die and this drives him to promise marriage and shortly they are.  Pras names the boy Akbar.

 

Did I mention he is a Muslim?  When he returns home he learns his father in law has died and in passing learns further more that he had a second wife which is a bit upsetting to some of the relatives.  He decides not to tell his wife about his second wife.  His wife expresses disgust that her father had married a second woman.  He sets up a second household and learns his new wife is not religious, but sets out to teach her about the religion.  It is just a matter of time before Rini discovers the second marriage and she is very upset and forces him out.  He is very conflicted, but it turns out his mother in law knew about her husband's second wife and counsels patience and forgiveness.  Eventually circumstances conspire and  Rini ends up advising  Mei how to deal with Akbar's illness.  Further she becomes concerned about her husband's second family and tries to set up a household for all five.  Not over, but there isn't much left

 Sequel:   Another accident, another woman, this one from Malaysia, but despite some initial misgivings there is no repeat.   Meanwhile Rini has written a book and been invited to Budapest.  We learn that  Rini is at stage 4 cancer and wants Mei to fill her space.  It turns out Mei is also in Hungary (partly to escape her guilt feelings).  She finally has found a worthy man, Rini's doctor, Dr. Syariet.  Pras has felt it would be most ethical to divorce Mei, but Rini doesn't want that feeling Mei is the most logical replacement--at the last moment Rini seems to have caught on to Mei's new interest--Mei at first berated the doctor for not doing everything possible as he explained she refused all this strategies

 Suicide is a very grave sin and two of the characters had seen a parent commit it and Mei had attempted it herself.  Pras felt obligated to do whatever he could to prevent it and then he felt the need to keep his word.

Forgiveness is an easy thing to talk about, but can be very difficult.  The key people are Rini and her  mother.  Her mother feels forgiveness helps heals wounds.

What makes a movie go smoothly is the cast and crew.

Asma Nadia, novelist who has had several of her novels adapted to movies.  Near as I can tell they all have a Muslim theme.  She has also acted in a few movies and even produced one film.

Alim Sudio has written all three scripts for this series and done acting as well <check other browser>

Kuntz Agus directed only the first in this series

Hunung Bramantyo directed the second segment as well as helped to write script.  Meisa Felaroze co-directed the last two segments.

Manoj Punjabi  the producer of all three themed films.  He is the founder of MD Pictures, the largest media software company in Indonesia and as such deals with Disney where several of his films are schedukled.  He produced "Habibi and Ainum" (2012) that hit the highest Indonesian audience to date about 4.7 million.  

Fedi Nuril plays the leading male in all three versions.

Laudy Cynthia Bella plays the leading lady in the first two films of the series

Raline Shah plays the second wife in the first two scripts.  She goes from a desperate suicide attempt to a respectful.  She was award nominated for for this role

Landung Simatupang played the mother of Arini who suffered her own indignity, but calmed down her daughter..

Reza Rahadian plays Dr. Syarief who cares for Rini in Hungary.  He appears in the second two films  Also in "Habibi & Ainum" playing the lead and won a national award) and also "Kartini:Princess of Java" (2017).  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2020/11/kartini-princess-of-java-feminist.html

At this point I am unsure how to see the final film, but suspect it might become available thru the Disney streaming.  There is already a moral dilemma lined up.  A reminder that time is running out for viewing on Netflix, January.

SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND FORGIVENESS

We live in a time when your past (or anyone's) can come back to haunt you, perhaps more easily than in any past time.  The thing that has changed the most is not human behavior, but the all too common self-righteousness.

Infants are pretty much at the mercy of their parents.  Children are influenced by their peers.  Young people still struggle to fit in.  Hopefully some of us mature enough to realize there is more to the world than we had been taught.  Humans still want to think of themselves as good, as accepted by society, strive for domination and intimacy and want to survive whatever the world throws at us.

Governor Northam is not somebody I was very conscious of and can only speculate how his  inner thinking and feelings operate today.  To be a successful politician, requires a strong ego, strategic thinking and luck.  Luck that no one will uncover some of your almost forgotten youthful history.  We have all gotten away with something.  I am very conscious of some of my youthful failings--this is not a full confession, but most of you would be able to relate:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2013/08/what-have-you-gotten-away-with.html

To get to where you are you made a number of mistakes.  Some of them you learned from and others you have been able to cover up, even forget.  One of the childish games most of us have played was to catch someone having done something stupid or forbidden.  At an early age we become conscious of avoiding or covering up embarrassing or punishable actions.  This is second nature to the vast majority of us.

We have set standards of behavior for different situations and all too often at least a few of our trespasses are unforgivable.   Many of us can be a bit critical.  When we have been caught, a few look for opportunities to criticize others, particularly our enemies.

I can only imagine the atmosphere Ralph Northam grew up in, but speculating that many of his elders and his peers had some form of racism.  We all do, but to some areas it is more blatant than others.  We like to think that medical students would be more educated and mature, but it is likely there are some that are provocative and even more likely that others don't want to rock the boat.  Virginia is not considered the Deep South, but is still a southern state.

An article I read, I think on CNN pointed out that some politicians that have advanced equality had a long history of racism.  The two most easily remembered are Abraham Lincoln and Lyndon Johnson.  One might argue that their past also formed their understanding and allowed them at a mature age to take a courageous stand.  Governor Northam's political record regarding respect for blacks (prior to his mishandling of this current scandal) has been relatively commendable.   I don't know what he would have done without this obstacle, but suspect he would be a supporter of equal rights.

Hypocrisy  runs deep in American politics.  When Newt Gingrich was among the leaders trying to impeach President Clinton he was in the midst of an adulterous affair.  Perhaps a more appropriate analogy might be Donald Trump with his many anti black words and deeds loves to catch Democrats in their hypocrisies.  I do realize I am indulging in "he did it too."  A Biblical saying is "he who is without sin should cast the first stone."

Forgiveness can be very difficult.  The most difficult cases deal with violence and humiliation.  Sometimes the "guilty" one is unrepentant.  The forgiveness not only allows one side to move forward, it also allows the innocent victim to also move forward and another bonus is that the rest of society can benefit.  I don't think Governor Northam needs to automatically resign, but he will be judged hopefully on how he goes forward.  Has he matured, has he learned, can he become a positive example?

The big question for all of us might be what have we learned from our past and how can we do better in the future?

Some earlier thoughts on some recent examples of quick judgments:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2018/01/are-we-quick-to-judge.html 

Two Postscripts (about one hour later)

1.  After writing this, one fear is that just by suggesting Governor Ralph Northam might deserve forgiveness means some people will find it difficult to forgive me.  No matter what one expresses there is someone ready to condemn.   It seems likely that there are a number of people that can understand my argument. Most of them worry about what others will think of them.  I feel that as well.

2.  Many years ago when I was about in grade 6 two or three of us somehow got turned on by two movies about Al Jolson.  Rock was starting to shape our music interests, but we got sidetracked.  One of us bought some records which we all listened to.  Recently I re-saw the two movies and realized a few things.  I had had almost no contact with blacks at the time and it did strike me as strange that Al Jolson did a lot of performances in black face.  In the first of the movies they showed some scenes where Al joined some black musicians and wanted to adapt some of the music and moves--apparently this was the start of his rise to fame.  He was really impressed with their music and I understand was supportive of individual blacks, but it does boil down to cultural appropriation.  Another more recent example was Elvis Presley who made a lot of black music popular among whites.  I enjoyed Al Jolson and probably didn't notice that sometimes the blackface enhanced my enjoyment.  Jolson and Presley helped open up our culture, but each of them at one time must have wrestled with their conscience.

The Ordinary Virtues

Canada lost a superior statesman when it rejected Michael Ignatifieff. Conservative tactics to demean Ignatieff were despicable.  I am pleased to know his intellect is not being wasted

Michael was in a discussion with Joel Rosenthal regarding celebrating the centennial of the Church Peace Union, a group that had been founded by Andrew Carnegie.  From their discussion came the idea for the Carnegie Centennial Project which essentially is a global study of ethics in action.  This book is the culmination of that effort.

The world has changed drastically.  Diversity is showing up in more and more global cities.  Each group feels an affinity for its own kind, but are forced to work, study etc with others.  There is a lot of self segregation. 

This book is focused on human rights and the ongoing struggle to boost them.  There is a battle on one side of which are poor institutions and human vices.  Opposing that are ordinary virtues.

So what are "ordinary virtues'?  Ignatieff designates tolerance, forgiveness, trust and resilience.  May be ordinary, but necessary if we are to survive as a planet.  In many places different people live side by side, but the ideal would be to live together.

Corruption, a most serious problem--police corruption--many accept corruption if they feel they get something in return.  An earlier blog  explores a little more deeply:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2015/07/thieves-of-state.html

Michael and other members of the project travel to cities of interest around the world.  As they travel to different cities with their unique perspective Ignatieff ties their concerns to the ordinary virtues.

Jackson Heights in Queens, New York is one of the most diversified areas in the world- and close to the Carnegie Foundation.  side by side vs together  --policing is absolutely necessary for a moral economy of a global city--one concern is that NY police have infiltrated local mosques--on the other hand New York considers itself a sanctuary city along with Los Angeles and Portland that offers a municipal ID allowing all citizens to open bank accounts and make loans

Immigrants are often conned, but they need to learn to trust strangers.  The internet, tv and cell phones enable most newcomers to maintain ties with the old country.  Politicians court them but this often entails them becoming interwined with old world politics.

Los Angeles  was the scene of the Rodney King riot.  It uncovered tensions between whites and blacks,  but also Koreans felt discriminated against. They are slowly developing stronger ties between the races also including Mexicans and Central Americans.

Brazil was visited before the Olympics.  They spent time in the infamous favelas where poverty and corruption go hand in hand.  There were efforts to form consent based community police that were able to deal with drug dealers. Unfortunately Brazil seems enmeshed in corruption, but there are groups fighting the corruption.

Bosnia was part of the former Yugoslavia.  When the Iron Curtain broke down it opened a lot of hatreds.  Bosnians were mostly Muslim and surrounded by Serbians and Croatians.  neighbors turned on each other in ethnic conflict.  After peace declared and borders established there is a serious lack of trust.

Myanmar has been in the news regarding the Rohinga expulsion.  Igntieff spoke with some extremist Buddhists who wanted a pure country.  Aung Sun Suu Kyi, once admired around the world is now vilified for her lack of protest.  Ignatieff goes below the surface to point out that good ideas cannot be implemented with out institutional and individual support. She is inside a political situation that is unwilling to compromise.

Fundamentalists offer uncompromising answers to the existential question of national identify.  when democracy comes majority rule is integral and that often goes against the human rights of minority groups.

Fukushino had an unimaginable disaster, three catastrophic events compounding one another.--earthquake, nuclear plant meltdown and tsunami.  It tests people's trust  in institutions that failed to predict this possibility.  Ignatieff is encouraged by the resilience of the Japanese

South Africa-most blacks notice little change--blame white privilege and would like to see a redistribution of land--real problem is there are not enough jobs to go around.  Mandela knew Africa needed the whites to stay and help South Africa to grow and to gain their co-operation in a new South African constitution he needed to include their concerns.  The different black and Asian groups feel they have suffered enough.  In the news as I write this is a movement to redistribute land owned by whites to blacks.

There are many competing global perspectives, but Ignatieff feels we need to recognize those who want to dialogue.  We need to tolerate those who see things differently.  Judge people one at a time instead of as part of another group.

Ignatieff feels the ordinary virtues can thrive with support from institutions.  People have to be alert to the ever present danger of corruptions.  My feeling is he is advocating that a mutual support system is needed.  We, at all levels need to encourage the ordinary virtues which in turn will help maintain legitimate institutions that work for the benefit of everyone.  Ultimately for humans to survive we have to work together, not just side by side.

Jared Diamond wrote "The World Until Yesterday" that illustrates perspectives of primitive people that I believe demonstrate humans have always had similar problems.  You will find my take on it on the  bottom half of  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2013/06/jared-diamond-expanding-our.html

He is a man with a truly global view that needs to be shared.  An earlier blog about Michael Ignatieff:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2014/04/fire-and-ashes-by-michael-ignatieff.html 

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN AWAY WITH?

My self perception took a beating when many years ago I was re-tested for a driver's license after accumulating a certain number of demerit points.  Naturally it was unfair, at least in my mind.  The last speeding ticket had been in what I  considered a speed trap.  I started to verbalize my complaints to the testing officer who had heard it all before.  His response has haunted me ever since, "Think about all the times you didn't get caught!"

That shut me up.  Am I alone?  Haven't most of us gotten away with a lot of things that could have led to inconvenience or much worse? Include such things as speeding, talking/texting on a cell phone while driving, telling white lies (or worse), padding expenses, cutting corners, fudging details on a job or loan application, etc. etc.  In some cases you were lucky nobody was directly injured in one way or another or that you didn't get caught.

It is human nature to push the limits until you find out what they are, starting when you are born. Many of us go past the limits, but most are smart enough to find our limits before serious damage is done.  If you do something wrong (it could be accidental) and there are no negative consequences we have a tendency to repeat if the experience was positive.  A lot of petty thieves are caught because their earlier successes have emboldened them to push towards the limits.  Eventually you are likely to get caught.

At the same time humans tend to be self-righteous about someone who did get caught.  One of my favorite movies was "Angels with Dirty Faces" with James Cagney and Pat O'Brien.  As youngsters they both had done something that could get them in a lot of trouble, but Pat O'Brien ran a little faster. Unfortunately James Cagney was caught and sent to a reformatory where he became hardened.  The company he found in the reformatory educated him in the wrong way and when he got out he was treated as someone tainted, but with a tough guy reputation that impressionable youth admired.  In the meantime Pat O'Brien learned a lesson and reformed himself eventually becoming a priest.  The difference in character originally was very slight, but the end result was dramatically different.  The movie ending left a character lesson that was very brutal and stark.

This is not to say that you should accept every criminal or immoral act or even simple faults that cross your life, but that you should refrain from being self-righteous about it.  Forgiveness benefits not only the person forgiven, but also the forgiver.  I continue to repeat actions that have had no (or few) negative consequences, but recognize there is a limit for me.  Also there is a limit for you.

The photo is of me is while at the Auckland Museum in front of a Maori pole sticking out my tongue trying to look fierce as part of a haka, but in reality was a little dumb.