Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff

I must seem like a self-righteous blogger, giving out all sorts of advice.  Like most, I am far from perfect,

but I like to think I am improving.  The title has been something I admire and want to strive towards, but also makes me wonder how some people could handle stress better.  "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff" (1997) offers a slightly different perspective and style.

Richard Carlson has lots of ideas.  He bundles them in short manageable chapters that can help you.  Some, you might already feel comfortable about and a few others might prick your conscience.  He is quick to acknowledge that he has wrestled with his own advice.

This post is not intended to analyze each chapter, but hopefully to highlight enough good points you will want to investigate further.  When we admire a good leader' or example setter, we appreciate that there often is a better way to handle any situation.

The first words of a William James quote sets the tone, "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude" with apologies to the critical other half of our humanity who can also improve their lives.

We survived all manner of stresses in our evolutionary trail and today many of us have a tendency to over react.  The author gives the example of having our vehicle cut off by a stranger driving.  We can get so angry that it literally affects the rest of our day.  Calming down, (not sweating the small stuff) can help to put it behind us and move forward.

"The need for perfection and the desire for tranquility conflict with each other."  The most important thing is to do your best and move in the right direction.

That life isn't fair, needs to be accepted, so instead of pitying ourselves we can move onto the challenge of improving life.  "Unhappiness is the result of struggling against natural experience. One question to deal with the unfairness is "How can I be of service?"

Borrowing from Stephen R Covey the author quotes Habit number 5, "Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood."  Another chapter suggests we should assume that everyone else is enlightened except us.  We think we understand another person (or situation), but we can never know everything.  In the process of letting someone else explain themselves we not only learn something, but are more apt to open a dialogue that will benefit everyone. 

One virtue with life's up and downs, that will help you in the long run is, patience.  Too often we focus on what we don't have and overlook what we do have.  Gratitude helps you appreciate life.

He ends the book by reminding us of the title message, "Don't sweat the small stuff."

I would like to end by admitting that there is always room for improvement and there are plenty of people with helpful advice.  Below are some of the messages that have helped me.

From a few other efforts to improve myself:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2019/12/an-antidote-to-chaos-series-of-rules.html

After I reminded myself about all that advice I came across more (and expect there will be even more):  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2022/04/think-like-monk.html

Another single post with self improvement thoughts:  http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2025/11/using-your-subconscious-is-key-to.html

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN AWAY WITH?

My self perception took a beating when many years ago I was re-tested for a driver's license after accumulating a certain number of demerit points.  Naturally it was unfair, at least in my mind.  The last speeding ticket had been in what I  considered a speed trap.  I started to verbalize my complaints to the testing officer who had heard it all before.  His response has haunted me ever since, "Think about all the times you didn't get caught!"

That shut me up.  Am I alone?  Haven't most of us gotten away with a lot of things that could have led to inconvenience or much worse? Include such things as speeding, talking/texting on a cell phone while driving, telling white lies (or worse), padding expenses, cutting corners, fudging details on a job or loan application, etc. etc.  In some cases you were lucky nobody was directly injured in one way or another or that you didn't get caught.

It is human nature to push the limits until you find out what they are, starting when you are born. Many of us go past the limits, but most are smart enough to find our limits before serious damage is done.  If you do something wrong (it could be accidental) and there are no negative consequences we have a tendency to repeat if the experience was positive.  A lot of petty thieves are caught because their earlier successes have emboldened them to push towards the limits.  Eventually you are likely to get caught.

At the same time humans tend to be self-righteous about someone who did get caught.  One of my favorite movies was "Angels with Dirty Faces" with James Cagney and Pat O'Brien.  As youngsters they both had done something that could get them in a lot of trouble, but Pat O'Brien ran a little faster. Unfortunately James Cagney was caught and sent to a reformatory where he became hardened.  The company he found in the reformatory educated him in the wrong way and when he got out he was treated as someone tainted, but with a tough guy reputation that impressionable youth admired.  In the meantime Pat O'Brien learned a lesson and reformed himself eventually becoming a priest.  The difference in character originally was very slight, but the end result was dramatically different.  The movie ending left a character lesson that was very brutal and stark.

This is not to say that you should accept every criminal or immoral act or even simple faults that cross your life, but that you should refrain from being self-righteous about it.  Forgiveness benefits not only the person forgiven, but also the forgiver.  I continue to repeat actions that have had no (or few) negative consequences, but recognize there is a limit for me.  Also there is a limit for you.

The photo is of me is while at the Auckland Museum in front of a Maori pole sticking out my tongue trying to look fierce as part of a haka, but in reality was a little dumb.